Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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