they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
