spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
