My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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