Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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