my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
