Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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