Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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