I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
