Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
