You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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