is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
