you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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