"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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