You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
