yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The feeling are messing with the penis
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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