pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
