They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
