I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
