need another drink. this is the easiest way
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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