no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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