Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
