my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
