i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
