we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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