did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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