Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
