D3 body, D1 cock
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
