Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
