dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
