I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
