barbara walters just said penis...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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