oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
