it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just high enough for therapy.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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