Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
