guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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