The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
