Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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