I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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