Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
