I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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