P.S. I can't hear my feet
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
