And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
