His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The air was thick with penises
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
