When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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