I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
