At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
