So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
