Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
