speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
