addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
